I’ve originally wanted to write about what it’s like to be with an older man and made the mistake of equating age with maturity. I later realized the inaccuracy in that as people mature in different ages and stages of their lives. Hence, I have scratched that and turned this into how it’s like being in a mature relationship.
It’s only been about 8 months since my relationship with my boyfriend bloomed. And like I said in this post about my learnings from relationships, ours felt the most mature I’ve had to date. And the happiest and most emotionally stable I’ve been in, at that. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Of all the love I have experienced, his is the best. Here’s what it looks like being in it:
There is emotional maturity
I don’t want to compare, but I’ve spent a lot of time in my previous relationships crying out of frustration. I later realized that maybe it was the lack of understanding, accountability and maturity on both sides that was causing friction in the relationship. I am very lucky now that my partner completely understands how we come from different maps of the world and how everything could be handled in a calm, logical way. My partner now has a complete grasp of the different emotions a human can posses and doesn’t take it against them when it’s out there. And that in and of itself makes the relationship so much better.
I feel safe enough to be completely vulnerable
I’m not kidding when I said my boyfriend knows me like the back of his hand. Sure, he might not exactly know the nitty gritty until I share it with him. But he has created a safe enough place for me to be as bold, raw and confident around him. Even the pettiest, most embarrassing and dumbest thoughts I have in my little head are shared and accepted because it’s part and parcel of who I am. I’ve never felt like I had to conceal parts of me out of embarrassment or be an imposter of a perfect girlfriend and that is a big plus in my books. He lets me be who I am.
He allows and supports my growth
I’ve mentioned many times how my boyfriend has supported me in this writing endeavor but I’ve failed to expand the entirety of his support on my growth. Aside from being such a good listener, he has supported all my silly dreams and encourages me to take my time on working on myself. He knows I want to become a woman no one can mess with, so he makes sure that in his own way, he helps me get to that stage. He also constantly reminds me to be grounded and not to think that life is a race; everything will come in due time. And even on the things that he didn’t even need to help me with, he still goes out of his way to do it.
We respect each others’ space
As much as I deny it, I am a bit of a clingy little baby sometimes especially when I don’t get enough attention. But I respect my partner enough to provide him with the space he needs when he is preoccupied with work or when things are mentally overwhelming for him to have enough time for me, more so himself. Times like these, we just sit back and let the other person take their time getting things done until they’re free to talk. I’d like to add how much I appreciate my partner apologizing if he’s unintentionally ignoring me because of work. We both know he didn’t need to do that, but you can see the courtesy in the act.
We don’t keep tabs on mistakes
One thing I’m quite proud of with my relationship is that we actually do not fight. We literally have nothing to fight about. We might get into a quick spat, but we never dwell on them ever and never use them against each other in any other time. We understand there is no point to keep beating a dead horse. We take every past experiences as a lesson and just keep on improving how we communicate with each other.
Time spent together is the thing we value most
I’ve always been the type to value the quality of time spent together versus the details of where, when or how frequent it is. I am very appreciative of the fact that even if my partner and I spent a lot of time apart, whenever we are together, our full attention are on each other and that we always make our time count. When we are together, it is like everyone else fades into the background.
The honesty and trust is crazy solid
Right from when we met, we’ve always been 100% transparent and never kept things from each other. We just never saw the point of lying or manipulating the other person about things. In my own words to him: to me, lying takes a lot of effort. He and I know that we will never trade the trust that we’ve built all this time for nothing.
We don’t feel afraid to call each other out
We know the truth; we are not perfect people. We’re not angels nor are we Gods. We commit mistakes but we are not afraid to speak up when one’s being a shit partner at the moment. We make excuses for the other one at times that people sometimes misunderstand but heck, we know each other more than anybody else.
And not coward to say “I’m sorry”
I’ve said it before, admitting fault for some can be difficult. But I’ve learned to appreciate the beauty of saying sorry and being apologized to when one is clearly in the wrong.
We make the distance work
I used to be highly against LDRs. I’ve experienced it, and I’ve first-hand seen how it wasn’t for me. I don’t need to be around the person all the time, but there are lots of moments in my life where I wish they were with me. Now however, I am glad that the person with me makes the distance work no matter the situation. No matter what I feel, he’s the first person to hear about it. When I have my wins, he celebrates it with me. When I have my setbacks, he’s there to help me get through it. For once, the realness of my relationship wasn’t doubted. Yes, we are away from each other most of the time and wish we are together more, but we understand the circumstances and we still make it work.
About a week ago, I’ve opened up to him how I want to spend some time with him later in the year and we’ve agreed to do it after I’m done with training period which will fall around August/September. I’m really looking forward to it and been thinking of a couple of countries we could visit together. Maybe Japan (since it’s in both of our bucket list) or in Amsterdam, Netherlands (which is his most favorite city). What are your tips for first time traveling with your significant other?