If there is anything I’d hate to air out, that would be my less desirable habits. Like my diet, I have come a long way to trim down the uglier bits that were poisoning my physical/emotional/mental well-being but of course, naturally, there are still a couple of things I could put on a list that I’d like to work on this year. I believe the first step to being able to get over these in our lives is facing the bitter truth.
Here are some of mine:
Obsessing over fantasy self
There’s absolutely nothing wrong about mapping out in your mind the path you want to take and the person you want to become, the problem lies with not making it a reality and being comfortable of just the way it is. I can honestly say I’m a voracious planner but execution has been a bottleneck since. Believe it or not, if my boyfriend had not pushed me and been strict with me in executing this blog, I would’ve put it to bed like the rest of my “I wish I was/were” thoughts. This year, I want to take every day as a challenge to make it count and do something meaningful for my future self.
Stalking exes or people from the past
Of all the things in this list, this might be my most embarrassing confession. It’s not that I still feel some type of way for these people, but it has become a habit of mine to keep tabs on them by going through their social media every now and then. Ironically, I do not message them as for some reason, I personally feel weird when someone that I do not have good relations with anymore hits me up but I just like the idea of knowing what they are up to. It is not really healthy if you look at it deeply; what good would it do for me to know what they are up to?
Getting anxious over texts and notifications
This one is pretty mild I’d say and I honestly did not notice this before as it has become a habit that whenever I turn my mobile data on, the Do Not Disturb option simultaneously comes on as well to avoid any noise. But I recently understood that it is because I get anxious over notifications and people texting me the unexpected or things I would not like to hear. I am also quite against confrontations so whenever I feel an argument or scolding coming on, I try my hardest to avoid the situation…hence, putting my phone on silent or notifications off.
Waiting for motivation to kick in before taking action
In connection with obsessing with fantasy self, the execution to my plans come short because I wait for motivation to come in. I have slowly worked my way through this but one important thing I’ve learned is that it is so much better to create the discipline than wait for a sign that might or might not appear. Chipping away at least a fragment of your work on the daily is better than cramming everything in the end. I may love working under pressure, but years have taught me the quality of work I could’ve finished if I took time to work things out and refined it instead of settling for a half-baked one.
Wasting my time consuming trash knowledge
This is something I truly regret doing especially when I have so much time to spend on learning something instead. Sometimes I get stuck on social media, binge-watching commentaries on Youtube dramas and trivial news loop for days without me noticing. It is entertaining on some level and does relieve some stress, but whenever I look back at the times I wasted knowing about the dramas happening between people I don’t even personally know, I get a bit frustrated. It is time for me to be accountable for the limited time I have.
Keeping old receipts of messages or memories that do not make me feel good
I have no idea if anyone else does this, but if you and I happen to have an argument over text and you said something stupid and I fired back at your ass, chances are I kept a screenshot of that conversation for my own amusement. Very petty, trust me, I know. I like to keep it around in case I’d need something to remind myself of of that person and how they were to me. But I know, deeply, that I need to learn to let it go and put to bed whatever bad blood happened between me and others. It is for my own peace of mind.
Taking constructive criticisms to the heart
I’m quite thankful that over time, I’ve learned best not to take certain things too seriously especially when the agenda of the person is not to take me down but rather encourage me to do my utmost best. But there are still times when criticisms can be a bit too much for a sensitive baby like me to handle, and more often than not it comes from people whose validation I actually care about. I know I often say that the validation we should put front and center is of our own so it should supersede everybody else’s, but it also doesn’t hurt sometimes to listen to perspective of other people. Fresh eyes are always helpful in pinpointing things that otherwise we are already made immune to see.
These are some of the less desirable habits I have. I’ve already done my due diligence of acknowledging that I have them, and talked to myself on why they exist and why they became a habit for me. Now the second step would be to start slowly working through them. That includes facing the situation head on; letting the anxiety seep in and be comfortable with it. Obviously they won’t be cured overnight, that’s just not how things go but I’m positive that by the end of this year, I’ll make some good dent on my progress.
How about you? What are your less desirable traits and how do you work on them?