Look, I’m not really a relationship expert and I’m far from getting considered for world’s best girlfriend at any point. I don’t have years of relationship experience to be credible enough for this, either. So what makes me confident enough to write about this? Because it works — just trust me.
Some relationship tips I swear by:
COMPLETE HONESTY AND OPENNESS. Remember: No one is born a mind reader. Your partner wouldn’t know exactly what you’re thinking if you keep it to yourself. I cannot express to you enough how an open line of communication is an integral part of any relationship. It feels such a relief when you find someone whom you can just talk to about literally anything. And make it sure that you are free of judgments. Nothing makes a person clammed up than being shamed/judged for what they feel/think. This is where you also need to be clear about yourself and your boundaries. You need your partner to confide in you, and vice versa. If you have to walk on eggshells around the other person, it’s time to take a pause and rework the communication line.
ACCEPT WHEN YOU’RE WRONG. No one is ever comfortable at admitting to themselves or to their partners when they’re wrong but it pays big time when you recognize your faults. Having two differentiating opinions is another story, I’m talking about real shit being wrong. Like offending the other party. Not respecting the other party. Or physically or emotionally abusing the other party. But it’s not only about apologizing. The key is to actually FEEL and BE SINCERE about being sorry. After that, offer/ask away what you can do to correct a mistake.
LET GO. Now this one is a little bit tricky especially if certain actions become repetitive and worsening by the minute BUT as a general rule, when an argument has been resolved and hashed out, let it go. I’m not saying completely forget about what happened or play dumb until it happens again, but learn to stop bringing the same argument over and over to the present or to the future unless it’s completely warranted. Nothing is more annoying than having someone pile up the fights by bringing receipts of the past.
YOU’RE BOTH INDIVIDUALS BEFORE COUPLES. Before you became a part of the couple, you have your own life and so does your partner. You have to keep remembering that you both deserve a level of respect when it comes to privacy and individuality. You can’t just put your partner on a leash to be with you all the time and expect that s/he’ll ditch his/her friends over you whenever you want. You have to have a life outside of that relationship too to keep it healthy. Having quality time with yourself also applies to this. Understand that the other person also needs time to spend alone doing things he/she likes before as a bachelor/ette. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he/she doesn’t want to spend time with you — it doesn’t mean anything like that.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Some are ridiculously lucky enough that their partner takes care of every little thing for them and all they’re left to do is literally breathe. But not everyone will have a partner like that, and no partner ever owes to take care of you that way ever. Do not expect someone to cook for you, or do things for you; you’re not getting into a relationship with your mom/maid.
FUCK OFF THE MIND GAMES, SERIOUSLY. I will never truly understand couples who like to test each other with mind games. I just don’t really see the point. It’s a waste of time and it just shows that there are problems in the relationship that are not being seriously addressed. Trust is something both should earn, but that doesn’t merit having the necessity to test each other out. If he/she’s trustworthy, trust me, it will show. If you think your partner is saying/doing something quite questionable in the first place, ask him/her about it. If you sense that something is really off, then it might be time to think if you need to walk away or not.
DON’T FORCE THE COMMUNICATION. Everybody has things to do, and not everybody is going to be on their phones 24/7 catering to your every whims. Most especially, not everybody will always be feeling 100% in good mood to talk. Respect other people’s time, especially when they’re in the middle of something really important. Filling out the silence from time to time is enough, but it’s not a necessity to be on each other all day, everyday. You don’t need to know every step by step detail of their everyday lives just to feel connected. Sometimes the other person might need some time to think things alone and/or doing things alone and you have to respect that.
I have thought about writing one of these a long time ago but I don’t feel like I’m experienced and/or knowledgeable enough since I’m a self-proclaimed relationship sucker